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1. |
An Instant
04:33
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Baby get me worked up, make it harder than this
To forget where I’m from and all that I miss.
Keep your hands in the air, I’ll ball mine into fists.
I want you to feel this glaring lack of a kiss.
Like a soldering iron through a tub full of lard,
You pierce through my chest and melt at my heart.
Remember that time that we went for a walk?
I misspelled your name with the sidewalk chalk.
Slyly residing in the palm of your hand
Is my whole conscious being, relentlessly panned
And torn limb from limb by your every demand
Or stark lack thereof - the hardest to stand.
I wish for the days when I could still see straight
And I wrote songs with passion not a passionate hate.
And I hate how these scars haven’t just yet healed,
But mostly I hate how good this feels.
I think you’re right on.
I keep it right on
The tip of my tongue.
I’m so afraid though,
To speak my mind on
Topics we hide from.
You’re all that I want,
I’m just someone you know.
Alive in the sense that I can still feel pain,
And conjure some nausea at the sound of your name,
I live with so goddamn much to gain
But happiness has proven the hardest to feign.
Illicit as my wishes happen to be,
I guess until you start writing songs about me,
Listless without my mistress’s ado,
I’ll spend all my time writing songs about you
And the way that your hair falls across your face,
Taking me back to my most intimate place.
Your image both rendered with tension and grace,
Reduced to my simmering lust for your taste.
I’ve seen something shine in the back of your eyes,
Though requisite hookups with replica guys,
Sully its sheen and replace it with fire,
The chase unrequited is all I desire.
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2. |
Ponds
04:13
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You closed your eyes.
I shook the water off,
Collapsed under the sky above,
And let my clothing dry.
If patron saints could hear the trees today
Or see your hair and learn the way
It fights against the wind,
I think inspiration goes to say
They’d come to deputize their faith
And practice only sin.
Maybe if we swim out
We could see exactly where the sun goes.
Baby if we breathe now
We could dive into the place that lies below.
I kept the pictures of the day we spent
Languidly on hot cement
Pretending we were dead.
And when we came to abdicate
Our reticence from younger days
And subjugate your bed,
I think captivation goes to say
The shapes our coupling bodies made
Had turned our hearts to lead.
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3. |
Garden
05:03
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If I wanted to remember everything
I wouldn’t look to pictures or old cassettes.
If I wanted to remember you
I wouldn’t read through scribbled notes, I’d smoke cigarettes.
If I wanted to remember how it felt to be with you
I wouldn’t close my eyes.
If I wanted to remember how you made me feel
I wouldn’t lie in bed, I would just turn out the light.
The place I remember best is a small damp hole
In the back left part of your chest.
I sat there idly while your heart pushed pins through my tongue
Making my speech bleed.
If I wanted to remember every time you saw right through
These holes in my head.
Do you really think I’d spend the last two years
Trying my best to forget?
You asked me why I could never be alone with you.
I think I’ll never tell you the truth.
It’s got something to do with how my intentions coalesce.
But you and I can never be alone.
I’d eat the meat right off your fucking bones.
If you know what I mean…
I bet you had about the hardest time
Remembering what it was that you said to me.
I had it tattooed all across my mind so once again,
Yeah, okay, I bet we’d disagree.
You kept me on my toes, no air in my lungs,
And I guess I should be somehow thankful for that,
But what the hell was I supposed to do with your promise for more
As a gun in the small of my back?
So look me in the eye and say you want to die
I’ll say, “Okay, you’re right, let’s get you nice and killed tonight,”
But baby you know me, I speak metaphorically.
And when I say “kill” you know I don’t mean it physically.
But maybe physically, if you’re really trusting me,
We can push past years that passed and get rid of this space between.
I’m drinking gasoline. You’re buried in the garden.
So put a match to me and we can watch our tendons harden.
I mean it physically.
I want you next to me.
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4. |
Teams
04:32
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Packed in a lack of seatbelts
With the windows down.
The car ran hot in mid-July
And just added to the sound.
We left our shoes at someone else’s house
In favor of our bare feet.
The music blared as the sun went down,
And you smelled so sweet.
The shower after getting high and knocking our shins
Was hotter than the seatbelts that threatened to sear our skin.
You can’t believe that I won’t repeat that
You rep the home team when you’re alone. See,
The fight for the last night of our youth in street light
It rides on more than resides in beer cans.
I miss the part where the presence of scars meant
A hardened ribcage at such a young age,
And we’d get kicked out for a kiss on the mouth.
But nothing fazed us, not in those days.
The whites of your eyes would sparkle at night like the shine of wet concrete.
And the hardest decision that we had to make was deciding where to eat.
But just as well I knew it’d go to hell when my culling had caught up to me
And my fucked up surmise of the oft-brutalized late high school ego decree.
Nothing worked quite like a warm summer night to absolve all of our sins
You and I both know that the fireworks look better when the home team wins.
That look you gave me, well what did that mean?
You said, “It meant nothing, we were only seventeen.”
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5. |
Luster
05:11
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21st century and year of age:
Drunk on heat and lemonade
On thriving lawns of severed blades
With seven weeks of love to make.
This is right where I can’t stay
When my friend August comes to fade away
So put your bones out on display
And I’ll forget what I was supposed to say.
Under streetlights glowing gold
Darkness came, our parents knew that we had grown.
We rode on bikes they never sold
As if we had somewhere to go.
And in the morning’s teasing cold
I tiptoed barefoot just to show you
Rain could right if hands could hold
And endless dusk just seemed to sow.
In the darkness we would talk
About our size and that above.
It never came to mean as much as me to you
But I was scared, and so I faked it too.
Lightning meant the night was warm
Hum of insects newly born singing
Lullabies to my heart and my innocence,
Crushing lips and packs of mints.
Forgetting where the tragedy could lie,
In casting us for parts in my mind’s eye to act in
A dreamed version of the same design
I whispered, “I could die and it’d be fine.”
Maybe I had lost it after all
Kicked it towards the sunset on the back of some ball.
The blood I bled from my scraped knees was ‘fresh and yours to keep.’
And now I can only go back in my sleep.
Hatred blooms, bitterness grows.
I’ll never know what it’s like to be old.
Torn up shoes and blistered toes
It’s time we lose, through a leaking hose.
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Good Air Los Angeles, California
indie/bedroom/whatever
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